So, according to another informative article written by experts, I can seemingly blame all of my weight issues on the layout of my kitchen. Marvellous – I knew if I waited long enough that some ‘ologist’ or other would identify a reason for my chunky disposition based on factors which didn’t include me eating the wrong things in industrial quantities whilst glued to the armchair watching tv. Written by an esteemed professor of something – aren’t they always – this guy seemed to want to absolve me of any responsibility whatsoever for being fat. And as always, I was ready to listen.
The piece started with a question, about whether I walked past the fruit bowl to get to the biscuit tin. Well…duh. I’m 140lbs too heavy for my 5’5″ frame, so why don’t you take your best guess..? Apparently if you ‘proudly display your bananas’ you’re likely to weigh 13lbs less. And what’s more, if you have cereal and soft drinks sitting out on your counter top, you’re likely to weigh 46lbs more. He didn’t mention more or less than what, which was a bit unhelpful. I mean it’s information we need to know – if the control subject is a moose for example, proudly displaying my bananas to shave 13lbs off seems a bit pointless, right? (But just in case, I’m proudly displaying two bananas and a tangerine…it doesn’t hurt to hedge your bets.)
Doubt about his credentials started to creep in when he went on to assert that if you only had healthy food on display and the goodies were out of sight, you wouldn’t think about eating them. Do you think he’s ever met a fat girl..? I’ve been known to defrost emergency ice cream with a hairdryer because I couldn’t wait 10 minutes till it was soft enough to get the spoon in. And let’s be honest, opening a cupboard door to get at the hob-nobs hardly requires Oceans Eleven type planning does it…no, much as I wanted to latch onto all the reasons he listed as to why my kitchen might be making me fat, it seems he was in fact talking utter shite.
But you know what, I’m kind of ok with that – there have been points in my life where I would have bought into every word, not to mention handing over wads of cash to buy the book he was selling or join the seminar he was running, because blaming anyone but myself for the size of my arse was far less painful than admitting that I’ve done this to myself. I do have thyroid issues, but I had them when I was skinny too, so I’ve stopped hiding behind that excuse. What was I thinking? I want to go back in time and shake myself, for every time I’ve gotten skinny, and voiced my determination to stay skinny this time…in between mouthfuls of cake. I did this to myself, again, and now I’m undoing it. Again.
I’ve come quite a long way in the last couple of months. A few things have happened as I’ve been writing down my thoughts and sharing them on here. I feel more accountable…I know if I tried to pull any bullshit you’d all call me on it. Giving my asshole voice a name and personality all of his own has boosted my ability to unravel lots of twisted thinking and dodge things going on in my head designed to poke holes in my willpower – finding out my asshole voice has a very large family of similar asshole voices who live with each and every one of you guys has helped even more. If I can do it, you can do it because you know what? If you can do it, so can I. There’s power in numbers.
Onwards ladies…we’re really doing this 🙂
Isn’t there a STUDY out there, telling us that laughing is good exercise? Oh my Great Aunt Fanny! As this latest -ologist has clearly never known a woman in the throes of eating dysfunction, we can safely discount the shite component, (Geez, food feng shui?)
But just rereading the daily homily & these excellent comments, I feel consoled. Wow, storing the kryptonite edibles down a flight of stairs; buying the family cookies that don’t incite lust; shitcanning indifferent left-overs… Alla you folks can chip in the goofy-sounding tips & tricks all day long. I’m loving them. ‘Scuse me while I guffaw at the hair dryer & scaling the counter snarfing up the fruit bowl en route to — mmm, what’s a jaffa cake?
Too good! -Fleury
It’s brilliant Fleury, getting under the skin of what works for everyone else…so many things to stick in the old toolkit!!
For the average person who only needs to lose 10-20 pounds that keeps creeping on and being taken off over and over, it might make sense that stashing junk away and leaving healthy stuff out would help. Most people i know like that are just as glad to eat what is right there as to go and get something else.
Those of us who will get a craving so strong we will risk life and limb to satisfy it, not so much.
Yes I think you might just be right…
“And let’s be honest, opening a cupboard door to get at the hob-nobs hardly requires Oceans Eleven type planning does it…”
This made me laugh so loudly that I scared my poor cat. I put my junk food down in the basement, so I at least have to get some steps in to go get it. 🙂
Well that’s genius…practically a step class Carol! D x
De-lurking a little bit just to say I do think there’s a lot to be said for controlling your environment being easier than controlling yourself, but it’s not the whole answer. I don’t keep junk food in my house unless we have it for a celebration and afterwards I throw out anything I consider kind of substandard (a nice homemade cake will stay and get eaten, a giant box of Roses will get binned). I try to have enough ingredients on hand to be able to make something simple and balanced so I don’t find myself having to eat out unless I want to. Controlling my environment so there are fewer “triggers” and I don’t have to make a conscious decision to eat well every single time I eat makes it a lot easier to be consistent. But I can absolutely binge on bananas. I went through a restrict/binge phase where I cut calories far too low and I found that I can binge on pretty much anything — peanut butter, yoghurt, all sorts of “healthy” foods I can eat to excess (fortunately when I increased my daily calories I stopped wanting to eat sugar directly from the bag). So managing your environment only does so much, and it doesn’t totally eliminate all cravings. I fully believe in rigging the odds in your favour as much as possible though and “proudly displaying bananas”, having smaller dishes, etc. could absolutely be a part of it.
Hey Mary…I’m glad you de-lurked! I absolutely agree that we all have it within our gift to control our environment, and since I’m staying on my food plan, my fruit bowl looks quite healthy. What got right up my nose about this guy was the way he was presenting a range of solutions without convincing me that he understood the psyche of a fat girl with her binge head on. And I think the stats he was quoting were bonkers! I’m like you though, healthy food is fair game in the same way naughty food is, if I’m feeling that way out. Except I don’t think I’ve ever binged on bananas! D x
Well now I have a new excuse – it’s the kitchens fault, sigh……….
*Coughs* oh NO you don’t lady…not letting you get away with that haha
I am glad you are continuing on your quest to BOTSG, because I find your determination to change this problem relates to many other areas of my own life. You give me inspiration every time I read your latest post. Onward and Downward indeed! 🙂
Thanks Djan, you are so full of encouragement, thank you!
Onward and downward indeed!!!!!!!
Too funny – can you imagine not getting that treat because it’s in the cupboard? Rolling my eyes here!
We can do this – permanently
Yes, we can. Happy days 🙂
This is so true!!! I have read just about every gimmick out there and tried just about everything too. The three day diet that made you eat tuna with no mayo and beets was probably the most disgusting one. That said, I had to laugh because my bananas are on the counter next to the chips and pop soda. What does that mean? Personally, I don’t have a taste for soda. It’s a once in a big deal kind of thing for me. I used to drink juice and sweet tea like it was going out of style. But soda, I could care less about. My cookies are in the cookie jar. The way I dealt with cookies (since my family wants to eat what they want to eat) is by buying cookies I don’t care about. Oreos are a mainstay in the cookie jar. But keep chocolate chip cookies and fig newtons away or I’ll devour them.
I don’t think the nutty professor is geared up to deal with bananas, chips and soda all in one place, I suspect the springs in his head will pop and poke out!
I’m trying to think of a name for my own… um… asshole. I can’t use that term, firstly because it is a bit… rude… and I have to wash my brain every time you write it, and secondly I already have one of those… things starting with a… so it could get confusing. It’s not my actual… bottom… saying those things. Whoops I said bottom. Excuse me while I go get the brain soap.
Aw, sorry if I offend…I do use naughty words sometimes but that’s just my way 🙂
“oligists” can be so sandwich short of a picnic. Not only am I capable of scaling the counter to find the jaffa cakes but also I am equally adroit at inhaling the entire fruit bowl on my way. I choose not to however. Today. And I will hope to make the same choice tomorrow. Onward and downward!
Yes, onward and downward!