It’s that time again, where I’m having to endure a bit of tin foil torture in an attempt to fool the world in general into believing that I’m silver blonde rather than silver grey. I remember last time I was here for a colour treatment, I’d written the blog post Essential Lady Maintenance before I left home, and as expected the whole experience could only be described as miserable.
When you’re the wrong side of 300lbs, sitting and staring at yourself in a full length mirror is never going to fill your heart with joy and loveliness, lets be honest. Especially when your arse is squashed into a swivel chair whose sides are threatening to cut your circulation off, and which is just that bit too tall for your feet to rest easily on the floor. My knees ached like buggery last time, I mean I’ve got the kind of calves that a shot putter would be proud of, so having them dangling from my knees for almost two hours wasn’t the most fun I’ve ever had.
Today is different. I mean don’t get me wrong, I still look like a muppet, my buddha body is swathed in a big black cape and I’ve got foil on my head, underneath harsh lighting that is doing nothing whatsoever to support the theory that fat faces age well. It’s very warm in here and my cheeks are on the unflattering side of flushed, sort of at the crimson end of the spectrum. But I feel different.
There’s no muffin top hanging over the chair for a start. It’s snug, but snug is different to wedged, right? Snug I can live with. And somehow, although the chair’s still too tall for my feet to rest on the floor, my tippytoes can. So my knees are not unhappy. I’ve brought my iPad with me so I can talk to you whilst I’m being cooked, and overall the experience is less of a trauma than it has been in past times.
However, since I’m forced to look in the mirror, I’m a bit pre-occupied with my chins. I’m about forty pounds or so down now, but I still have more than a hundred to lose and so as you might expect I still have more chins than one face really needs. The chin zone is sort of exposed at the moment whilst my hair is otherwise engaged in the foil shenanigans and I’ve got to be honest, my chins are definitely looking a bit…deflated. Like someone let a little bit of air out of a balloon, you know?
FFS I’m going to end up with a turkey neck aren’t I? When I arrive into Skinny Town with just the one chin, I’m destined to live the rest of my life wearing a scarf. The bit between my head and my shoulders is going to look like it’s wearing a skin-coloured gaiter, like the bit wrapped around the gear stick in my car. That was not part of the plan.
I’ve already made my peace with the fact that when I get to Skinny Town I’ll never again be able to wear clothes without sleeves. Even now my bingo wings would send most dinner ladies into a panic, but it’ll be far worse when I’m skinny. When I achieve my string bean stripes there will be a chuffing tsunami of arm action going on inside my sleeves, so they can’t ever be allowed to see the light of day. But I’d not considered the chin situation until just now.
I need to ponder on it for a while. Call me Mystic Meg but I see a future filled with turtleneck sweaters unless I can find a way to tighten up that skin. Drastic and urgent action needed…I’m thinking haemorrhoid cream, perhaps?
Awesome!!! When the transformation is slow and YOU start to notice the change, it really does give you fuel to keep the race going. If it’s the deflated air, being more comfortable in the chair at the salon, going down a couple sizes…. whatever it takes to keep your motivation high. Awesome!!! So, the skin is a problem. It is, I won’t lie. I hate to look at myself naked in the mirror. But really, who cares. You’ll feel so much better overall and be so much happier with the world in general, that a little skin ain’t no never mind. I did some research on this. So I take fish oil and green tea extract to help with it. I don’t know how much they help, but I do take them. I had an allergic reaction to collagen, so I don’t take that but I know a lot of people who do. Everything I read said it’s body fat, body fat, body fat. Yeah, well I’m not getting any skinnier. I’m at my goal. I’m happy. I’ll live with the skin and smile. I have my hair appointment in two weeks. So looking forward to the blonde coming back. 🙂
I’m with you on that one Tracey…if I need to tuck a little loose skin into my underwear when I get to skinny town, well so be it. And I’m on the hunt for potions to rub in wherever it’s needed!
It’s partly my loathing for having to go to a hairdresser at all that has kept me away from them for years. My hair is the color it is, and it’s long and i braid it and will continue to do so. Blow dryers and curling irons take precious time in the morning, unbraiding, brushing, and rebraiding takes less than 5 minutes, and if others don’t like the salt in with the pepper, it’s their problem.
That’s sort of how i’ve gotten to feel about many of my “flaws” as i age. If you don’t like the way i look, well, i am not here to please you.
That’s fair enough Mimi…trouble is when I don’t like the way I look!
I generally get a little footstool at the hairdresser so my short legs don’t dangle. Not that I get my hair coloured, I am STILL NATURALLY BLONDE, do you hear me? Not turning mousy brown with age AT ALL.
I think the hairdressers is the least flattering place to look at yourself. The lighting is really bright and harsh, your hair is pulled back and wet or whatever, not in a flattering style, and you have a tight sheet wrapped around your neck. I wouldn’t take that look as a baseline for worrying.
I hear you Natalie, you BLONDE beauty, you!
Hi, all! Be safe, all you Continentals. Dee, yeah I was a little leery of what I’d be left with when I’d lost 80 or 100#. So far, (40# in), I have actually seen the former ME reappearing. Crepey, or Baggy or Wattle-y just isn’t bothering me, go figure! Sort of goes with the pale areas, dark-ish age spots, spider veins, so oh well. & I remember all too well seeing that round sihouette that I never could relate to. Any glimpse of an old familiar angular part, is heaven.
Ditto to: Just get me to Skinny Town!
Fleury
Ha, collar bone and knees Fleury, those are the angular bits I can’t wait to get reacquainted with!
and oh so excited for the vote tally – I’ve been voting like clockwork – I do hope you WIN!
Aw bless you Cherie…the public vote only carries us through to the shortlist, they have judges after that. And there are so many blogs, and they’re all amazing and many much bigger than ours, so I’m honestly not expecting to go through to the next stage. It would be amazing obviously, but I’m really happy that standing shoulder to shoulder with the rest of them has shined a mini spotlight on us, and we’ve had some new visitors whilst it’s all been going on, and that’s what I’d hoped would happen. It’s been brilliant and I’ve been blessed with so much support, you’ve all been rootin’ for me! 🙂
So nice to hear from you as I sit snowbound today 🙂 Yesterday was not pretty around here – too much cooking and stress – which led to eating that I was no happy about or proud of! But I did get my arse to the gym and did my time on the cardio machines to make it all STOP
Anyway I’m with you – I’ve thought of that several times as I have progressed – I have a dear friend who had gastric bypass surgery – and then had plastic surgery on her arms! I really don’t want to go there! Ahhh well – first let me just get to skinny town, then we’ll worry about any remaining stuff LOL!
So nice to hear about more nonscale victories for you!!!!! And don’t fret – I’m back on program with a vengeance today 🙂
Hello! I did wonder about all my lovely friends over in the States when I saw the coverage of all that snow, holy moly it came with bells on didn’t it! Stay warm!! I’m glad you’re back on it, and I’m sure your cardio stuff would have cancelled out your munching 🙂