Nothing Happened Here

happy dance

So I’ve got to be honest, waking up with the rocky road spoon in my bed made me laugh out loud, but it also served as a reminder of the way things used to be with me. And along with the spoon came not a small amount of regret for allowing myself to get carried away in the moment, well several moments if we’re being honest. I did some quick mental calculations as to exactly how badly I’d fubar’d and it was a wake-up call…enough now.

The last two days I was fairly sensible. I had to go see the ship’s doctor on Thursday after a miserable day walking around Bergen with earache – well, miserable until 1) I walked into a clothes shop in the town and came out with four off-the-peg garments which fit me 🙂 and 2) I met the ship’s doctor who looked like he’d just stepped off a movie set. When I shook his hand and said hello I was practically leering. I reminded myself of Sid James clocking Barbara Windsor’s chesticles, which is a bit embarrassing given that he probably wasn’t much older than my boy.

Anyway, being loaded up with antibiotics along with the earache made me feel a bit crappy so on our last day at sea I was very lethargic and the exercise thing just didn’t happen…I think the most energetic thing I did was turn the pages of my book.

Reflecting on the awesome week and chatting it all through with my friend as we waited to disembark, I estimated that the likely outcome of the week I’d had would see the bitch in the bathroom serve me up a two pound gain the following day. Two pounds sounded fair, you know? Deserved…I’d worked hard but I’d played hard too, and I was ready to embrace two pounds as being totally worth that exquisite Chateaubriand, and the incomparable jaffa cake desert, and the customary poke about the cheese board which by the end of the week had become a regular thing…the ice creams and the waffle and all my other little indiscretions…two pounds sounded about right.

Eight pounds on the other hand, did not. I must have spent at least half an hour on Sunday morning nudging that fucking scale around every tile on the bathroom floor trying to source at least one favourable reading, but no…eight pounds, I mean come on. No way did I consume nearly thirty thousand extra calories over the course of the week and anything I did eat was offset against a ton of active stuff…I was beyond pissed off.

It was still showing that unwelcome number by Tuesday, despite me hitting Sunday head on with as strong a resolve as ever, getting straight back onto my regular food plan and walking Charlie for at least five miles every day since I’ve been back. The first session back in the Kingdom of Pain was horrendous. It was like going right back to my first ever session, I felt so sluggish and everything was hard. And then suddenly, (forgive me being indelicate) it occurred to me that it might have been four or five days since I’d been…you know, for a visit.

Now, I don’t know about you and your ablutionary habits, but me, I’m a bit vague. I don’t really give it much thought…not like some folk I’ve known, who want to call a press conference if nothing’s happened daily by 10am. Me, well pardon the pun, shit just happens. Except since probably Thursday last week in my case it hadn’t. Oh my God I can’t even believe I’m talking about this in here…there’s honest, and then there’s too much information, right?

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I’d felt the full force of God of Pain’s disapproval after his scale revealed the same number as mine, but he dispensed some words of wisdom relating to prunes when I filled him in on what was emerging in my mind as the front runner culprit for the outrageous weight gain and feeling of being bloated. And having followed his advice, lets just say over the last couple of days mother nature did her thing.

I hopped on God of Pain’s scales again last night before my fat furnace session and I’m very happy to report that I’m now just one pound heavier than I was before my holiday, and that’ll be gone by Sunday. Nothing happened here. I went, I had a ball, and I earned most of my treats as I went along. I enjoyed every single one of them, and now I’m on it like a car bonnet.

As soon as I got home I went right back to my own new normal, and contrary to any worries I might have had, I’ve done it without a fight. I swear, I could do my happy dance for twenty four hours straight up. And I can honestly say that I am just as determined as I was last year when I got back from holiday and started my diet…it’s all good.

So…next stop Cuba. Five weeks today we fly out for what will without doubt be the most physically challenging five days of my life, so it’s all systems go here for the final push. I’d like to take off at least another ten pounds before we leave so there’s hard work to be done…let’s get to it 🙂

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13 thoughts on “Nothing Happened Here

  1. The same thing happens to me when I travel. I’m still up 5 lbs. over what I was a week ago before I went away for the weekened… the weekend! Because, well, shit doesn’t happen when I travel! Ha ha ha ha!

  2. Fallin off my chair over here…! Okay – no – hahahaha – wait, where was I? The whole trip, posts and pics, deserve comment, & I can’t remember what I tapped in a day and 1/2 ago…. The gremlins snatched away my message like indiscretions in the wind. I think I started out chiding you, but ended up going, “There there.”

    Wake up call or hitting the Snooze button, there are still times we joyfully kick over the traces – whether we come to in clover or wet confetti, the degree of regret is perfectly irrelevant. Not to quote your blog at you like Chairman Mao’s red book, but when you wanna get naughty you find yourself teamed up with one of your friends with a gift for Naughty. You book a Hedonist resort. Inadvertently mash the button that silences your new Skinny conscience. Me too. For what it’s worth I quiz myself about why, HOW, can I revert for an afternoon, when I have made my quest all about methodical, sustainable changes. I offer myself the old pathetic rationalizations, but they don’t wash. I do still think I am moving forward

    We’ll discover that we unexpectedly clocked the Skinny mind, you know: those slender paragons… & found out something.

    I cheer you, good friends

    1. Ah Fleury, we’re sisters from a different mister, all of us are. I’ll always have that naughty devil-may-care gene which pops up uninvited despite my best intentions but like you, what I’m learning through this journey is how to embrace it then kick it straight back into the long grass before it has chance to score a direct hit on my future food sobriety. Mwah 🙂

  3. Go for those extra 10 lbs. You can do it. I am SO PLEASED for you that the 10lbs changed to just 1lb over. Now focus girl!!! Keep walking!

  4. Great attitude Dee! Reading this I couldn’t help but think
    I had the same thing happen to me a couple of years back
    when I went to visit my dad I gained 8 pounds for the same
    reason as you. The pounds went away quickly. I think if you
    stick to your food plan and work on your strength and endurance
    you will be fine on your trip to Cuba.
    Glad all is well at the kingdom of pains place. Have a great
    weekend.

  5. That is a long time without… erm… using the bathroom! On Big Bang Theory, Sheldon is very disapproving of someone who doesn’t schedule toilet visits but just goes whenever they get the urge “like a hippy”.

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