It’s funny isn’t it, how sometimes it’s the little things which make you pull up short and take stock. Last night I was dying on my arse halfway through the second of two back-to-back classes in the Kingdom of Pain when I noticed that the laces on one of my trainers had come undone. Almost without breaking my stride I bent down and re-fastened it, and then carried on. In that moment, I was hit by the best feeling of wellbeing ever.
I was transported right back in time, to a world where tying shoelaces was pretty damn near impossible. At my heaviest, there was too much padding in my mid-section to even bend forward and reach my feet, never mind tie a shoe lace. I’ve come a long way since then but in that moment, all the occasions where I had to sit on the edge of the bed and try and manoeuvre my foot into an errant shoe without actually bending down sprang to mind.
I remember having to psyche myself up to go for the laces…I’d grunt my way through it with my eyes bulging as I tried to bend my body and when I eventually managed it I’d emerge red-faced and sweating and horribly out of breath. I remember buying a pair of Ugg boots which sat unworn in the box for months because they were very snug on my fat feet and I couldn’t bend down far enough or long enough to hold the back of the boots with two hands whilst I pushed my feet in. There’s no wonder the easy mechanic of tying my laces last night gave me a moment of pure joy. Life was hard back then.
It’s good to remember how bad things were because it makes me genuinely appreciate how much easier life is these days and it reminds me why this journey is so important, you know?
I got my gold seven disc from God of Pain last night, which signifies two months and one week of clean eating. I have just two more to collect before I’ve completed the three month challenge, which by happy coincidence started as I emerged from my Christmas food coma and hit the New Year with renewed determination. I don’t want it to end if I’m honest, I mean I have no intention of changing the way I’m eating because this is totally working for me right now but I must admit, having something to work towards has provided an extra layer of glue to keep my feet in the sweet spot.
You know how dodgy things were for me in the last three months of last year. I was on and off my diet, with my resolve all over the place, binging one minute and determined the next before falling off the wagon all over again and hating myself with alarming regularity. There were dark moments where I really thought I’d lost it to the point I wouldn’t get it back.
I’m so bloody grateful that I did. Your unwavering support and belief in me through each and every one of those fuck-ups made all the difference in the world. The moment you stop believing in yourself is the moment you quit, but you lot didn’t allow me to lose faith and that’s why I’m here now.
You guys rock 🙂