You. Cannot. Be. Serious.

So, you already know that this last week wins the award for shittiest week ever. I thought we were past the storm. I didn’t have a bad day on Wednesday, in fact I managed to do a few hours’ work from home and it was comforting to start picking up the pieces. I wasn’t in a great place, but I felt like I was doing okay.

And I was doing okay, except it clearly wasn’t written in the stars for our shit time to be over quite so soon. My mum, who is very wobbly at the best of times, took a tumble yesterday morning, and she’s broken her shoulder in two places. I mean, you just couldn’t fucking write it could you?

She’d been laid in agony on the floor for around an hour before anybody heard her cries for help, and yesterday morning as we sat in the ER, my tiny frail eighty four year old mum sobbed like a child in my arms. On top of the heartache of the last few days, it was just all too much.

Now, I held it together beautifully all day. I wiped her tears, and propped her up. I intercepted doctor-speak and translated it into something she could understand. Most of all I promised her everything would be okay, because that’s exactly what she needed to hear. She’s reached her fill level of bad news, and she coasted through yesterday on a combination of codeine and reassurance. I limped through on adrenaline and focused on her.

Last night though…I didn’t know what to do with myself. The urge to binge was overwhelming. Fortunately, before I could face-plant into the food cupboard, two of my good friends arrived with a big bunch of flowers and a hug, which pretty much saved me from myself.

I did eat eight Ryvita Marmite thins with some soft cheese before I went to bed, which may or may not have found their way onto Saturday’s food budget on the basis that yesterday’s calories had already run out and the dieting day was closed for business.

It’s okay though, I can get away with it. Saturday still belongs to this week, and on Saturday I get more calories to play with. It’s creative accounting at it’s finest and you know what, if I count the calories at some point this week who really gives a fuck? I know I’m not supposed to be propping my battered spirit up with food, but yesterday was just exceptional in it’s shitness and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Surely, that must be it now…I’m kind of approaching that fill level myself, you know?


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23 thoughts on “You. Cannot. Be. Serious.

  1. One thing that has helped me, all these years, is Gretchen Rubin. She writes about habits.

    She has a wonderful podcast with her sister that I really enjoy. I listen when I walk the dog.

    She is not a weight loss person, that is not her topic, but what she shares about life, applies to it and helps me hugely.

  2. Aww, your poor Mum. You are amazing. I would have face planted into the food for sure. This is certainly a test of your resolve. You have been doing so well since the reboot earlier in the year so keep hanging in there and finish the race once and for all.

    Hope you get to regroup over the weekend. Love to your Mum.

  3. When you claim to really want something, there’s a part of the universe that steps in to ask if you really want it. That part of the universe is using all that’s been going on in your life right now to ask if you really, really want to stick to your eating plan long term no matter what.

    Remember no matter how much crap gets thrown your way, you are in my thoughts and prayers and you really, really want this, nothing is going to derail or sidetrack you!

  4. So sorry to hear about your moms fall. Glad to know the damage wasn’t worse. You did all the proper things for her.You are a good daughter.

    I hope you have a better weekend than the week you have had. Me? My son is getting married tomorrow to a girl I find intolerable which is the kindest thing I can write. So I am going to the dreaded wedding and making an appearance at the reception afterwards. The best thing I can say is at least all of the build up and hoopla will finally be OVER! Wish me luck! That I don’t clock her or have a food binge afterwards.

    1. Wow that must be tough Susan. Hats off to you for rising above your own feelings and being there on his special day. Thinking about you ?

      1. Oh, & I just saw Vickie’s comment appear on my screen & YES, i have post-dated food -(show of hands), tho i’m internalizing the habit of full-disclosure calorie logging, she’s ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, it’s tucked into that different “time zone!”

        Love to you

  5. Ugh. So sorry for your mom.

    And while an hour is long, it could have been a LOT worse. Thank goodness someone heard her that quickly. She might need a whistle or panic button thing.

    Yes I have posted middle of the night food on the next day myself on occasion. Sometimes it makes more sense regardless of the totals. Like flying thru time zones.

  6. I have been reading your blog for a long time but haven’t posted until today. I’m sorry to hear about your Mom. My Mom had a fall right after Christmas and broke her arm and part of her shoulder. She is 88. It took awhile going through surgery and rehab, but she is almost fully recovered now and goes to Curves three times a week. Hopefully your Mom will have the same good results. I love the way you write, I am mad for all things British, you are just hilarious. Hang in there, things WILL get better.

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