Sweeping Up The Mess

Well that was a turbulent week. The storm appeared from nowhere and blew the shit out of me, but I think the worst of it has passed now. Yesterday morning I faced the music and had a Come-to-Jesus conversation with the Shitbird Scale, which wasn’t pretty, but it is what it is. I’m philosophical about it, you know? I made a mess, and now it’s time to sweep it up.

Something had to blow, and it did. Spectacularly. The sugar monster got me right between the eyes, starting with the coconut slice last Monday, and ending with a cheese and onion quiche and three peanut butter Magnums on Saturday night. I don’t need to go into detail about the six days in between, but nine pounds and change on the scale tells it’s own story. I’m such a fucking plank.

I’m done though. I rebooted yesterday, and the time was right…I’d started to miss the discipline. I’m not making excuses – you all know me well enough to realise I don’t do that ever – but sometimes giving yourself the chance to miss something is not a bad thing. It’s kind of like the acid test to see whether it’s a keeper, right? It’s a dangerous game, because if you don’t miss that thing you’ve walked away from you’re screwed.

Thankfully, I came full circle. I went from feeling relieved that I’d relinquished control, to craving the control back again. Yesterday, I took mum and visited some of our extended family so I couldn’t be fully in control of the menuΒ per se, but I was in control of what I chose to eat. And I did okay. My choices weren’t completely sugar free – come on, there was home-made trifle up for grabs, and I’m not made of wood – but the trifle was duly calorie-counted and logged, and today will be my sugar-free ground zero.

This morning, we lay my beloved Godmother to rest. It’s going to be a very emotional day, so please forgive me short-changing you a bit. My head’s a tad wobbly and I can only really manage half a post. I need to go read my eulogy to Charlie dog a few more times, so I can desensitise myself to some of the memories and give myself a fighting chance of sharing them in the moment without snot candles πŸ™‚

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12 thoughts on “Sweeping Up The Mess

  1. Love and hugs going out to you, Dee. You’re a strong woman and you’ll do this with style. That’s on authority from Charlie Dog…

  2. Sending loving thoughts across the pond for this emotional day. I have it on good authority from Charlie dog that you’ve got this.

  3. I’ll be thinking of you today.

    Both my parents and my aunt (mother’s sister) all died two years ago within months of each other. At all three funerals, it was the men who broke down while speaking or refused to speak altogether. The women managed to get through it, I don’t know why. I got through my mum’s eulogy without a tear (and worried later that people would think I didn’t care) while my brother was sobbing so hard you could hardly understand a word he said. I don’t remember when I started crying for mum, but for dad it was wasn’t until we were following the coffin to the hearse. That felt like goodbye.

    1. Good grief Natalie that must have been such an awful time for you, I’m so sorry for your loss, and thank you for your support today x

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