It’s Only Ninety Six Hours

Right, *stamps foot* that’s enough now. I can’t do this any more and I’m ready to come out fighting.

I’ve been upbeat, downbeat, on the wagon then under the wheels all within the space of an hour, pretty much every hour right the way through the week. I had food sobriety in my grasp for the first couple of days, then I wobbled, then I lost it altogether, then I pulled it back, then I wobbled again.

I got weighed yesterday and I didn’t have a clue what to make of the number. It was down from last week, but then last week might have been falsely inflated after the holiday, so I don’t really know whether this week I’ve gone forwards or backwards. All I know is the week has been a hot mess and I can’t carry on like that. I’m turning into a fucking basket case.

I don’t even have the words to tell you how much I crave stability, and peace of mind. The first six months of this year were awesome. Cast your mind back, I mean I was really on my game, you know? Sure, steady steps, and steady progress. I want to walk that walk again and I know exactly what I need to do.

Sugar. Sugar, sugar, sugar. You’re right at the top of my shit list and I’m afraid we need to break up again. It’s really and truly the only way forward for me. If we stay friends, even a little bit I’m likely to carry on going tits up every five minutes and my sanity is at stake here…I’m done.

I couldn’t have picked a worse week to kick the white stuff but I don’t care, it’s now or never. And never isn’t an option.

I’ve got two, in fact probably three days this week where I am working away, and lunch will be catered. I’m also going away on Saturday with my bestie for a long weekend…my timing sucks, but when I look in the rear-view mirror and see how firm and sure the ground beneath my feet was in the non-sugar months it’s a no-brainer.

I’ve emerged after a fairly quiet weekend under the poorly blanket and my nose has finally stopped streaming. Tomorrow I’ll be back in the pool and my knee is also recovered enough now to start doing something a bit more strenuous so I need to get my shit together and make a plan.

Next week when I hop aboard HMS Shitbird, the number will have gone down. I’ll be recording the number on Saturday instead of Sunday due to being away for the weekend so I’ve only got six days to show you what I’m made of. I need to make every day count.

By Thursday the worst of the sugar cravings will have subsided. It’s only ninety six hours. I can do that. I’ll be asleep for at least twenty four of those bad boys, so really it’s only seventy two hours. Seventy two hours fighting for control, not letting the Asshole voice in, and making the right choices.

I’ve got this.

Repeat after me…I’ve got this.

ps…apologies if you’re having trouble getting into the blog or sharing your thoughts. Bloody thing was playing up all day yesterday and now the favourites list has disappeared. The tekkies are hopefully going to help unpick what’s up!

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12 thoughts on “It’s Only Ninety Six Hours

  1. My sister and I discuss your blog, Dee, and we both thought at least half the 21 pound penalty was water and would be gone this week–leaving a ten pound price to be paid–much more in the realm of expected holiday gain. That didn’t happen so there is something different going on here (tell the Asshole Voice that from me!) Sugar is one thing, but I wonder if there’s another. Like you are allergic to MSG or dairy or something… xom

    1. You and me both Margaret! I’m hoping after a couple of weeks of discipline it will shift quickly but there’s no wonder with my on again-off again approach to healthy eating my body is doing weird shit. I mean, I was power eating but not enough to gain 21lbs in 2 weeks ?

  2. Wishing you good focus! I do better when I track WW points. I have tried counting calories, but that is too specific and my all-or-nothing brain can’t estimate well if, for instance, the husband cooks breakfast and happily presents it to me. Whereas if I think points, not calories, it seems easier to get an estimate. I need to loose what I have gained over the summer. I saw a quote that said , “Don’t try to get back on track where you were, just start where you are and go forward”. That seems reasonable. Let’s do a strong 96 hours!

  3. You CAN do this Dee! All of us need to quit playing with fire
    by dabbling in the sugary substances. I agree with Messymimi
    sugar is every bit as addictive as a street drug and being legal
    makes it so much worse for us sugar addicts.

  4. Wow, it is encouraging to fall in with you – getting sorted out again, hopefully logging a first 96 hours? You guys are my opportunity! That bus is pulling out & I MUST be on it.

    Dee so glad to hear your knee is coming along. Now DON’T succumb to the impulse to train super hard. I am leery of balls-to-the-wall exercise, I keep reading about injury & illness — go strong but maybe not staring-eyed panic fast, on stationary bikes… some women have managed to give themselves a frightening disease, liquefies the muscle tissue or something. I mean, just read up on-line, & don’t do whatever it is they do. :]

    1. Holy moly the asshole voice pricked his ears up at that!! You can’t do it or you’ll get liquified bits ??? But I get what you mean Fleury…steady and consistent is the way forward!

  5. Yes, you have this. People don’t believe me when i tell them that sugar is a white powder like street drugs for a reason, because it is an addictive drug. It’s true for me, too.

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