Tag Archives: psychology

See It, Achieve It

medal

So I was lucky enough to have dinner last week with Sir Chris Hoy…*screws face up* okay okay you got me, I was lucky enough to attend a dinner last week where Sir Chris Hoy was the after dinner speaker – he was awesome. And rather more dishy than I’d expected if I’m honest – he’s already made my friend’s top 5 ‘list’ (you know, that list…) but I think he might just have upset the apple cart a bit on mine too, by knocking old Kevin Costner into 6th place. That’s a debate for another time, but anyway as MAMILs go he was, you know, up there. Buns of steel allegedly.

He was talking about his career as Britain’s most successful Olympian of all time with 6 gold medals and one silver under his belt. More particularly he was talking about the dedication to training and what it was that enabled him to push through the pain of everything he had to put his body through on a daily basis for years on end.  It was really emotional actually when they played the video montage of him winning all his medals. And I couldn’t help thinking as I sat there listening to him that whilst we might belong to the same human race, he and I are about as far apart as members of that human race as it’s possible to get.

He was up there, glowing with vitality, a supreme athlete talking about how he’d pushed his body to the extremes of what it’s possible for the human body to endure, in pursuit of a dream, which he achieved. And then he dreamed even bigger, and achieved again. As I sat there, buried under the best part of 300lbs of fatness, puffy feet stuffed inside strappy shoes which were digging in like mad, with back ache from doing nothing more exerting than standing on my feet a lot during the day, I felt so sad – and a little bit ashamed – that in my own way I’ve also pushed my body to the extreme. Not in pursuit of excellence, but simply because I’ve never gotten a hold of this broken relationship I have with food and put it to bed once and for all. But that’s why we’re here isn’t it? Me and the rest of our posse.

As it turns out, he and I have more in common than I thought. He’s a visualiser…his whole approach to training was based on him seeing himself race a perfect race. By focusing on that, he was able to tolerate the punishing train – hurt – repeat schedule day after day after day. And it was never the result which drove him – it was purely seeing himself racing the perfect race.

He made me smile when he talked about negotiating with his legs, telling them that this time round the track would be their last so they needed to give it their all. Then when they did, saying there’s just one more, but this time is the last time…ten times a session (his legs must be a bit gullible that’s all I can say…fool me once and all that!)

I’m a visualiser too. I don’t know if you read the ‘Heifer in the Helicopter‘ post a few weeks ago – I’ve been visualising the bloody bells and alarms going off every time the asshole in my mind rattles his chains, and it’s effective. It’s definitely kept me away from the hobnobs.  But, Sir Chris Hoy has further inspired me, and being the magpie that I am I’m going to pinch all of these different things that work for other people until I find the things that work best for me. I’m going to force my body into compliance by lying outrageously that the hobnobs are coming if it will just stick to the diet for one more day, and I’m going to keep on visualising.

I’m visualising running the perfect race from fat to skinny. Not focusing on the finish line but focusing instead on executing it perfectly. Sticking to my food plan, counting my points, ignoring the asshole, being the best I can be. And getting skinny..? That’s my Olympic gold right there.

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Feast or famine

yo-yo-dieting

Over the years I’ve probably tried every diet going. All the usual suspects – the ones where you rock up to fat class once a week, pay your subs and hop on the scales, then sit down for ‘the talk’ – some of them were quite good and the diets do work if you stick to them. The meal plans are flexible, it’s normal food, yadder yadder yadder…it’s just a bloody long slog when you have lots to lose.

And yes I know, I’m looking at it all wrong. The long game gets you into a healthy eating pattern, it’s habit forming, you learn about nutrition, get support…I get it. Only I never really did get it. I always got so far, then got stuck. Bored, impatient, call it whatever you like but sooner or later the asshole would get a lucky strike and BAM I’d come tumbling out of the naughty tree, hitting every branch on the way down. And that’d be it, goodnight Vienna, out of the game. Shackles off, bring on the buns.

Same thing with the other diets I’ve tried. I’ve existed on packs of space dust and hermetically sealed ping meals delivered to my door every week for weeks on end –  2 minutes in the microwave guaranteed to produce a tasty portion-controlled meal. Some of them were actually ok, but then considering I practically had to re-mortgage my house for portions that wouldn’t look out of place on the sodding yellow brick road, they ought to be.

Again with the boredom though…I rarely managed to see it through. The one thing I’ve never considered is weight loss surgery, because I recognise that the problem is 100% in my head. I’d be the one liquidising mars bars or finding new ways to drink fish and chips through a straw if my stomach was the size of a thimble.

Some of the diets I’ve tried have dipped into the psychology of weight loss – the liquid diet in particular came with a big element of homework and group therapy. I found it fascinating and it really did work. For a while. Mainly down to the speed of loss I think, I didn’t have time to be bored, in fact it was exhilarating. I wish I could do it again but I gag at the thought of that chalky soup now.

I guess where I’m going with this, is that despite understanding the concept of a balanced diet, the science of expending more energy than you take in if you want to lose weight and even the psychology behind identifying the triggers which set me off, I’ve spent practically my whole adult life either losing the weight, or putting it back on again. I’ve probably lost and gained around 1000lbs or more over the last 30 years. It seems knowledge isn’t power after all.

How many cycles of despair, followed by determination, hope, success, celebration, pride, self-destruct and back to despair can one girl go through in one lifetime? Lots – the answer is lots. When I hit that sweet spot, and I’m in the zone, life is good. When I’m not, I binge. For me, there’s never been a middle ground. I really want it to be different this time…to coin a phrase, I’m too old for this shit.

So anyway, just to manage your expectations…when I reach the end goal, if my victory dance is done with a donut in my left hand don’t be too surprised, and I hope you’re in this for the long haul because when I get to where I want to be, well that’s when I’m going to really going to need my support network to help me stay there 🙂

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