So I’m in that sweet spot right now – call it the honeymoon period, or whatever else you like but that shield that protects a girl from cake is fully locked and loaded, seriously, nothing’s getting through this bad boy. But I can’t take it for granted, you know? I’ve been here before – so many times – and it terrifies me that tomorrow, or the next day or the day after that, it will disappear like it never existed in the first place and you’ll find me in a corner somewhere looking sheepish, high on sugar having had a break and vaporised three kit-kat chunkys and a packet of hobnobs.

As a back-up plan, I thought it might be interesting to Google what motivates other people to lose weight, or should I say what keeps them motivated when they’re losing weight. The two things are of course completely different. I’ve often been motivated to lose weight when I’ve seen a dodgy photo of myself for example which couldn’t be explained away by poor lighting or a bad angle. But as the fresh horror of the photo fades, and you’ve un-tagged yourself from it on Facebook (or better still you’ve blackmailed/bribed/threatened the friend who posted it and made them remove it altogether), often so does the resolve to lose a few pounds. Keeping the motivation going when you’re past that first flush of willpower and the weight loss has settled down to slow and steady, is a different thing altogether.

Not surprisingly, there are a number of people who profess to be experts on that very topic, who are practically falling over themselves on Google to show you the way. Very helpfully they’ve even compiled lists of things which are sure fire winners.  Let’s look at the first suggestions that I came across shall we, you know, to just kind of kick a few ideas around a bit. Apparently, one great way to maintain your motivation is to have lots of sex.

So…I’m a single girl. Which immediately throws something of a spanner in the works. Sadly I don’t think I can include that one in my toolkit. I don’t fall out with the theory per se, but exactly who am I meant to be having lots of sex with? I know that allegedly a lot of blokes admire the fuller female form, but lets be honest, a) where the fuck are they all and b) generally speaking have you seen the type?  Enough said.

The second suggestion is to weigh yourself every day. I’m clear on this point- the scales are not my friend. Just this week they put a massive crimp in my Sunday, and I cannot face the prospect of starting every day with a big fat tony bear tantrum if they deliver bad news, so they don’t make it into my contingency plan either.

Number three on the list was to look in the mirror regularly – apparently fat people avoid mirrors? No shit Sherlock.

I think I need to do more research.

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