I’d like to think that I’m a fairly rational person, with at least a couple of active brain cells, but I’m here to tell you that this whole change of diet thing has knocked me for six. This morning I had the biggest diva meltdown ever over dropping an egg on the floor – my son, who had just arrived home after collecting our Christmas tree put it down and disappeared at the speed of sound, clearly reluctant to get sucked into the shitstorm.
It was late morning, and I was overdue breakfast. After spending half an hour trying to negotiate my way around the Weight Watchers website – half of which still isn’t working – to get the new points values for stuff I had to hand, I’d finally settled on eggs and toast. There were two eggs left in the carton, one of which survived the journey from carton to pan, and one of which didn’t…the one that didn’t ended up half on the tiled floor and half all over my slipper.
At that point the red mist descended. I don’t think there’s a cupboard door that remained unslammed, or a naughty word that remained unsaid. I managed to spread the egg on my slipper to all four corners of the kitchen as I stomped around being ridiculous. Then I sat and cried, and that’s really not like me at all.
So now I’ve calmed down and eaten something else instead – I mean who could be bothered with just one egg, right? – I think maybe I should at least make an attempt to understand why smashing the egg pushed my buttons in quite the way that it did. I’m not sure there’s just one reason…I think it was kind of a killer combination of a few things. Firstly I was hungry. Secondly I’m not the most patient person in the world, so spending ages trying to navigate a website which felt like it was leading me a right merry dance with oops there’s a problem, please try later on every second click hadn’t sweetened my mood.
I think mostly, in the back of my mind, I was – am – still frustrated with the way in which the transition from one diet to another has been handled by Weight Watchers, and I feel like it’s pushed me into a situation where I’ve messed up my lovely clean diet bill-of-health, if that makes sense?
As far as I was concerned, I’ve eaten within points consistently, played it completely straight and resisted loads of temptations along the way. That gave me a real feeling of power, like I’ve got this, you know? The longer I had things under control, the stronger I felt, and every day I was building on a really solid record of getting it right. Knowing you have all that success under your belt makes you really reluctant to break that perfect record, so it gathers a momentum all of it’s own.
To find out that actually, by spending my food budget using a combination of old and new weight watchers currency means I might have unknowingly gone way over my budget makes me feel like I’ve spoiled that perfect record…broken the spell, you know? And whether that was intentional or not, I’m now wrestling with the asshole voice in my head who is screaming ha ha you’ve blown it, told you this wouldn’t last…the usual shit. And yes, I appreciate that I might just as easily have come in under budget – but the fact is I don’t know.
When you boil it down to brass tacks, I think that I’m scared…I’d settled into a groove with a diet that was working for me. I haven’t fallen off the wagon as much as been thrown off it, and that sucks. But you know what, writing this down is really helping, because it’s forcing me to acknowledge that I’m acting like a proper diva. Yes, of course I have a right to be angry. GGGRRRR. Right, been there, done that…move on.
I’m not starting from scratch. I still have all that success under my belt. I’m still knocking on the door of my third dress size down. I still have you guys, and I have still got a perfect record of making good choices. What I’ll never have control over is other people’s fuck-ups. But I’m big enough and hard enough to step over that bump in the road to Skinny Town and just keep on trucking.
And the diva..? She’s back in her box 🙂
I know you don’t need another system but …. have you tried using Myfitnesspal? I did WW for years but got annoyed by the constant tweaking. OK, my Waterloo was when they moved up the points values for wine! Now I count calories and track everything in myfitnesspal. The best feature is that you click a button when you’re finished entering and it tells you what you’d weigh in 5 weeks if you ate like that every day. I really like it and it keeps me accountable.
Hi, yes I know a lot of people who swear by that – I’ll give this new ww system a run for it’s money and see how I go on, and if it doesn’t work I’ll definitely consider MFP 🙂
Unfortunately all the technical glitches have made the transition more difficult than it should have been and I understand the frustrations – today my app will not sync my fitbit points – but I think you are doing amazingly well. Sticking to a regime, whatever it is, is tough but it sounds like your willpower is standing firm. This is more of a mental game than anything else – you are doing so well and providing so much encouragement for the rest of us.
Aw thanks Claire. Yes I should imagine the Head of IT at Weight Watchers isn’t the most popular guy in town at the moment! I guess I’m just stubborn, I’m refusing to let this knock me out of the sweet spot, I’ve worked too hard for some numpty in silicone valley to ruin it now, and you’re totally right, it’s all in the head 🙂
There are times when a seemingly small thing is the one drop to make the bucket overflow. When that happens, let the storm spend itself out (as yours has) and don’t spend much time regretting it. We all need that release once in a while.
We do…the storm passed, as they always do 🙂
Hi Dee,
Just think of all the extra calories you burned stomping around in a snit 🙂 It should all even out.
Yes how very true Autumn…it must have been the equivalent of at least a 5k!
Well THAT made me laugh!
I’m sorry. Sorry about the egg. I get it. I really wanted to make protein pancakes a couple weeks ago and I needed an egg. We had one and I needed that for the waffles I was making for the rest of the family. I was peeved.
I also get it about the change in points for Weight Watchers. While I don’t count points anymore (I count calories), I am a “lifetime member” of Weight Watchers. I’ve been down that road and dealt with the changes in their diet system. It is very frustrating.
I think you can cut yourself some slack though. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t look at it like a perfect streak broken. Just say, “What the #%&*” and move on. You got this, Dee. You do!
Yes! That’s where I am this morning…I’m happy to report the crisis has passed 🙂 Thanks for your support Tracey 🙂
Hey, hey! Just a little perspective on the points change:
It was badly handled, but if you’ve been eating well even if you were using two incompatible points systems you’ve probably still created a caloric deficit that will lead to weight loss. The systems probably aren’t so incompatible that you’ve been eating in a surplus (because healthy eating looks more or less the same however you add it up), and if you were overeating you probably would have noticed that you were eating more food or more calorific food than usual. You know whether your diet has been mostly good (lean protein, vegetables, fruit, whole grains, beans/pulses, minimal processed food and sugary treats) or not and if it was compliant with the old points system my guess is that it was mostly good.
You played your part perfectly. That’s the important thing. A couple of weeks of eating is insignificant in the context of your life in terms of calories and will quickly fade into the background as you keep up your healthy eating plan, but an important part of learning portion control and other healthy habits. Calorie counting, carb counting, points counting, etc. are imperfect systems. None of us can micromanage exactly how many calories go into or leave our bodies. There are way, way too many variables — calories available in processed vs unprocessed foods vs grains vs vegetables vs nuts (“studies show our bodies absorb only 75% of the listed calories in almonds!” “calcium impairs fat absorption!”), etc. You can really fall down the rabbit hole on this. They’re just tools we use to help us move towards an appropriate calorie range and diet.
If you keep a food diary and have the time you can always go back through it and work out how many points you really spent. You’ll probably find you didn’t even come close to the big overspend disaster you think you might have. But probably the healthier thing is just to take a deep breath and let go of the food anxiety. Don’t lose the forest for the trees. The aim isn’t to juggle points like a master, it’s to lose weight, work on your health, and eat well. You’re doing fine.
Hi Ruby, thank you for the dollop of perspective…I’m ready to see it today, where yesterday I was still feeling a little raw. And broadly I know you’re right, although I do have a naughty of some kind every day, which is what I like about the WW plan. I don’t write a food diary, I’m just religious about entering everything into the calculator as I go but I’ve popped the balloon and I’m moving on. I’ll face the dreaded BITB today just to check in and make sure we’re good. Onwards and downwards 🙂
Isn’t the new system more punitive of those little treats than the old one though? So my guess is you probably ate less of the old points than you think in those treats, rather than more (e.g. you allowed yourself 10 old points for a treat and you picked something that has 10 new points but just 7 old points). Don’t sweat it. 😉
You should have seen me my first day LOL – I was a lunatic – so frustrating and for the same reasons – I was trying so hard – I was succeeding a lot of the time! Now I can’t do right no matter how I want to try!
Arg
But we’ll get through – and you’re right – if it’s my journey I need to stay on it even if the trains are messed up – I’ll find another way till I can get a train going in the right direction.
That said I’m about to use up a ridiculous amount of my weekly points on a special dinner out for my daughter’s birthday LOL – luckily tomorrow is a study day at home for the kids and my last for my week – so I can stay on course all around 🙂
Well I hope you have a wonderful evening, and that’s what weekly points are for, right? I shall be spending mine next weekend whilst I’m away so none for me this week! D x
Good for you, Dee! – Not that someone else’s fuck-up made you feel that old familiar Oh Crap feeling, that you may have been chugging along on a side track for a week. Good way to deal!
Does no one at WW corporation even know what people are signed on & paying up for.?? Saving their lives, regaining their wellbeing, taking back their precarious balance — making a last-ditch stand. PFFTT!
I am super proud of you, & still encouraged for myself. My bumps & ditches can be navigated & I will be coming in at that destination. So, We’ve paid the fare, we have kept the faith, we are still in it. I tell the Shitbird in my head, Don’t even say it! Not negotiable.
Thank you Fleury…yes, we’ve kept the faith. I shall consider this a test!! I’m going to face the dreaded scale tomorrow..I need to know!