Full Of Good Intentions

So the Shitbird scale pulled a mean trick on me yesterday morning by declaring pretty much a 3lb gain. I don’t think I deserved it, and to be honest I’m not even sure I believe it but what I do know is that I’m not obsessing about it. At one point it would have ruined my whole day, but thankfully my fuck you yesterday was directed towards the scale, and not the diet.

As it happens, I didn’t have a textbook week. I set off with the intention of being above reproach after the creative accounting shenanigans of the week before. We’ve all been there, right? Sunday dawned and my intentions were whiter than white but it felt like a proper uphill slog all week. It’s not like I didn’t know trouble was coming…I even stood up and told you how niftily I was going to sidestep The Afters but I guess it’s not the first time that my intentions have been a bit more impressive than my execution.

That said, although I was at the top end of my calorie budget most days – and some days I pinched calories from Peter to pay Paul – at worst I should have maybe stayed the same. I didn’t deserve to get shunted three steps in the wrong direction so I’m writing it off as water retention or hormones or something. Stupid shitbird scale. It hasn’t dinted my determination but back-sliding does make everything feel just a tiny harder, don’t you think?

Life is slowly turning the right way up again after all the upset of the last couple of weeks. My Godmother’s funeral is taking place next Monday, which has felt like an awfully long time to wait. I’m on at least draft number ten of the eulogy that I’ll read on the day but you know what, it’s been very cathartic delving into all the memories I have of her and deciding which ones I’d like to share. It’s helped, but I’ll still be glad when it’s over.

On Friday I got the results from the MRI scan I had to have on my dodgy knee. I don’t even think I mentioned it to you, there’s been so much else going on and seriously, it feels like all I’ve done over the last few weeks is moan about one thing or another. To cut a long story short, after three months of physio I knew my knee still wasn’t right, and the MRI scan confirmed it. I have a complex tear in the cartilage which is going to need surgery, and I think it’ll be scheduled for the end of next week.

What a royal fucking pain in the ass that is. It’s the very last thing I need at the moment, but the problem is I’m not allowed to fly for eight weeks after the surgery and I have a holiday coming up in October, so the surgeon has a bee in his bonnet about it having to be done in the next couple of weeks.

I’m a bit freaked out about it if I’m honest. On Saturday I had the best time, out cycling with friends and I had no pain in my knee at all so I started questioning whether it was even necessary. But then there are so many days where it gives me hell, and there are at least a couple of classes down at the Kingdom of Pain that I’m not allowed to do because my knee isn’t strong enough, so I don’t think I have a choice really. C’est la vie. Better done and out of the way I guess, although I am shitting myself. I admit it, I’m a wuss.

I’m determined to hit this week hard. She says, having woken up this morning with two of yesterday’s nut bars pre-loaded onto today’s food budget…here we go again, with the good intentions.

Whoops 🙂

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22 thoughts on “Full Of Good Intentions

      1. Yeah, scoff.

        Know what? In the tangible world you have habitually been the Strong Friend. On this train you’re chocked in by Strong Ones. This is a FUBAR, perfectly sideways couple of months: you are going to run the risk of pulling a pissy attitude, so I suggest you just go ahead & dump on us.

        1. You’re my wing men Fleury, and you never let me down ? I’m not trying to right the world. I’m just trying to stay upright when it tips on its flaming axis!

  1. Well, YOU certainly have your plate full!
    I had an arthroscopic repair for a meniscus tear a few years ago. By the end of the day I was thinking, “Piece of cake! I thought this would be tough!” By the next morning I was ready to tear the surgeon limb from limb. It ended up easing fairly soon, but he laughed when I told him – said he’d used an anesthetic that lasted 14 hours. K – that explains it! Wishing your good thoughts and prayers for a swift recovery, Dee.

    1. Right then, I’m trying to decide whether that’s made me feel better or more scared! ? I’ll stock up on pain meds!

  2. I still believe in the power of prayer too. You’ve been on my prayer list and you shall stay on it.
    You will get through this dreadful time in your life. You are stronger than you think you are. We are all here rooting for you and holding good thoughts.

  3. Hang in there Dee you will get past this time! Good news is the surgery recuperating may force you to just relax and read a book or something- imagine that! Take care

  4. Lessons I have learned about surgery –

    You are going to be on pain meds, which is going to require food (to take them). So that is something you have to plan in advance. So you have the right stuff in the house that you can do around the clock with meds. (And no wrong stuff to tempt you.) If someone else will be feeding you, they need a list so they know. If you have to take pain meds every 3-4 hours, you are going to need to plan out what that will look like, food wise. That might mean you cook in advance. And it helps to lean on protein rather than carbs in your planning. And on the other end, weaning off meds, you are going to have to stop the habit of eating every 3-4 hours. You have to plan for that too, because it can be tough to stop.

    Women usually get their GI system messed up between anesthesia and pain meds. Really messed up. Doctors do not address this in their patient presurgery planning, but they sure should. Talk to your chemist. I do one dose of something every single day following surgery, starting with day one. I personally use miralax. But talk to your chemist. Do not wait until you are miserable, proactively take something from the start.

    Water can easily be neglected after surgery because you do not want to get up to get it. Water is so important after surgery. So it is super proactive to figure out where you are going to be (bed, recliner) and then put a water source there. If you might be three places, figure it out for all three places. We do bottled water (big 5 gallon ones) and have hand pumps that go on top. Yes, I have had a water jug next to my chair. We actually have a water cooler upstairs and after one winter surgery, it was placed next to the couch so I could have hot water whenever I wanted. Whatever you are doing, get a system in place, even if it means your son or a friend is filling something every night before he goes to bed for you.

    Catch up everything you can in advance. Bathrooms, laundry, paperwork, groceries, any pharmacy supplies you will need, etc. makes a huge difference. You might need to catch your mom up too.

    Good to just get it done and move on, but it is hard, I agree. Scary to contemplate. I ask to be given something in the prep room, so I am out by the time they take me to surgery room. Me personally. Reduces my anxiety. I go to sleep in prep, I wake up in recovery.

    Eat as cleanly as you can in advance. It helps nothing to be bloated or stopped up or mad at yourself. Robbing Peter to pay Paul is cheating yourself. You are right to look for signs that you are playing games with yourself. Good habits make you feel good, physically and mentally. Strength and peace feel good and calming, I think.

    1. Yeah, “fiber” supplements (what used to be known as “roughage,” are easy on the food budget, & the way they seem to work is by keeping water in the gut as things move along. So, keeping well hydrated also important. (I get 2 GUMMIES per day, because the ucky fiber drink mix NOW COMES AS GUMMIES, o joy. Negligible calorie impact, & you’re not tempted to chow down on those babies. Godspeed, Hon.

  5. Deep breath, the adult you who knows you need healthy eating to recover from surgery is in control.

    Many people don’t believe much in prayer these days, but i do, so i will be praying for an easy surgery and quick recovery for you, and i’m continuing to pray for your mother.

  6. Oh geesh! If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Dee!!! So, forget about the scale, drink some extra water. Focus on your eulogy and keep your brain occupied for the week so your surgery just comes and there’s minimal pre-op anxiety. Just pretend it’s happening “sometime” but not this week. And then boom, it will be upon you and recovery will be your focus.


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