Sorry I’m Late!

Oh my Looooooord it’s good to see you guys! A million thank yous for your patience…I’m just about there by the skin of my teeth for a Monday post…I’d almost forgotten how.

So, for those of you who don’t follow me on Facebook, and might be thinking I somehow fell off the edge of the world in a careless moment, I had an accident and shattered the screen of my laptop, which meant that I couldn’t publish anything. If I could get into WordPress and see the screen of my phone well enough to try and compose a blog post I might have been able to work around it but I couldn’t get the formatting right, the words kept disappearing and in any event, the insurance company said it wouldn’t take very long.

Five days, is what they said. Five days to assess the damage and then five days to repair it.  Five days max. Except it was three days before they even collected it, then a weekend happened. I should’ve known at that point it wasn’t going to run smoothly, you know? I chased twice and after exactly five more days they told me yes, the screen was definitely damaged. No shit, Sherlock…that would account for the big white hectare of nothingness between the left and the right edge then, right?

Just five more days Mrs Tipton, we’ll repair it and you’ll have it back…except five days later some fucking ejit had forgotten to get an authorisation code to go ahead with the repair so it was still sitting on a bench somewhere with a shattered screen. You can probably take your best guess at how pissed off I was, on a scale of one to ten.

To make amends, they offered me a new laptop instead of a repair, which I accepted, with a slightly less sour face. It finally came last Thursday, and I was too giddy for words until I remembered that new ones don’t come pre-loaded with the software that I need and I still couldn’t fucking write.

I had a code somewhere to load the software that I’d bought when I changed my laptop a couple of years ago, but it had disappeared into that safe place black hole along with all the other things I can never put my hands on when I really need them. Long story short, I ended up having to buy it again. It took me hours of angst trying to download and install it because the instructions were not written in ABC language, in fact it might as well have been written in Swahili for all the sense it made to me. But it’s done now, I finally figured it out, and I’m IN.

God it’s so good to be back!! My fingers are tingling and I’m in my happy place.

I’m also in a world of fat. I know. I’d love to say that in my three wordless weeks I’ve been focusing on myself, spending time in the gym and existing on a diet of dust with a side of fresh air, and I’m looking buff.

Yeah, cos that was always going to happen, right?

I’ve been completely under the wheels. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’ve been busy…we all know the devil makes work for idle hands and all. Work has been a little crazy, I’ve started a new business venture which is going better than I might have hoped and I’ve generally tried hard to fill the space I normally reserve for chatting to you guys, but in between all that it’s been like feeding time at the fucking zoo.

I daren’t face the Shitbird…haven’t been near it. I’ve stacked a family sized bag of toilet rolls on top of it actually, so it’s buried out of sight. I can feel my arse following me as I walk around, I mean it’s tragic but even now my head isn’t playing ball. I’m a mess. I haven’t been swimming since the last time we spoke, and the last time we spoke I hadn’t been swimming since…well, it might even be before Christmas.

What the hell happened?

I’m hoping that this is my cue to get my shit together. Now I’m back in that place where I have to be accountable, I mean. It’s like my enforced hiatus from tipping words onto the page signalled a free-for-all in the who gives a shit stakes but I’m back, and I have to make it count…I can’t go on like this with the Asshole steering the ship can I?

I don’t feel ready, that’s the thing. Oh, I’m ready not to be this fat. I just don’t feel ready to stop power eating and I’m really scared that I’m not going to be able to.

Suggestions welcome…  🙂

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26 thoughts on “Sorry I’m Late!

  1. Dee,

    It’s wonderful to see you back. I really enjoy your writing. You have the only blog I know of where you actually write about the day-to-day, sink and swim, battle of weight management. At 70 years old, I am so weary of the cheerful tips and tricks items I get in other blogs and FB postings. Been there, done that, and I could write the book. I know I cant quit the fight, but it is the hardest thing to do. Your blog really captures my experience.

    1. Aw Barb that’s such a lovely message, thank you! I’ve always tried to steer clear of tips and tricks, Lord knows I’m no expert and I’m not coming from a position of strength especially right now eh?! 🙂

  2. Nice to have you back Dee. I missed your posts.
    I love the way you hid the scale. Those contraptions can haunt the would-be weight watcher though. When I can’t get my act together I’d rather not know how much I weigh. Head in the sand works for me but the guilt is awful!

    I am trying to get back on track by refusing to buy the foods that I love to indulge in but are no good for me. In trying to curb my sweet tooth (and savoury tooth) I am pulling my hair out as I dip anything vaguely edible into a jar of Crunchie chocolate spread that I found in the back of the cupboard. I refuse to be a lost cause though, but sometimes the mood just has to grab you. I am sure you’ll burst through this lack of caring. I hope I will too. Glad you are back online. Hope motivation finds you soon.

    1. Oh God Dawn me too…and I get it, about the Crunchie chocolate spread. I really do. It’s when you start looking around for something to dip into a two years out of date jar of marmalade that’s got its own micro-climate because you’re that desperate that you know you’re really in trouble!!

  3. Read “Delay Don’t Deny” by Gin Stephens. Intermittent fasting. It’s the only thing that has, in my many many years of dieting, realistically work for me and something that I find almost effortless and even more exciting, can see myself sticking to for the rest of my life. Screw the little portions, the counting of everything little thing that goes into my mouth. I’m over it and it’s not sustainable. Look into it, trust me!

    1. Thank you Sarah, I haven’t come across that one before but I’m heading to Kindle as we speak…you had me on screw the little portions 🙂

  4. Long time reader but never commented before. First welcome back, it felt “weird” not having your posts to read. 🙂
    You asked for suggestions I got a couple. 1. I know you eluded to the kingdom of pain not being the same but maybe you need to find a real replacement for it, seems that when you had someone expecting you to show up and had them taking your weight and working with you you were doing so much better. Or even set exercise “dates” so you are expected and less likely to blow off going. 2. Maybe set another goal event like the trek you took. It doesn’t have to be quite that big though. How about walking a half marathon in honor of your Godmother. Something you actually have to train for that would help keep your eye on making progress.
    Hope you find your groove again. 🙂

    1. Aw thanks Di, how awesome that I’ve tempted you out of the shadows. And yes to all of the above…I need to do all of that I think. I’m working on it…thanks so much for your support 🙂

  5. Thank heaven it was just computer trouble, i was imagining all sorts of things and hoping none of it was true and am very glad to find out it is not.

    It’s no fun to take stock and start over, but that’s how it has to happen.

  6. Glad you are back, I have missed your blog. I have dug deep and currently motivated and in the zone, but it was a struggle to get here and I have no idea why! We’re a strange and complex breed… Glad you are ok xxx

  7. So glad you’re back. I’ve really missed you. I too am struggling (so what’s new?). I was home (England last March) for my Mum’s 90th birthday. She told me to skip a year so I thought I wasn’t going this year but now she wants me to come. I booked my flight for Sept. 5th but now I need to lose the 16lbs to get back to where I was last March. Not that I was at goal weight even then. I kept most of it off until Thanksgiving but once I let sugar back in all bets were off and I’ve been indulging ever since.

    I am sick of going around this same mountain year after year. So what are we going to do. I can’t find any motivation whatsoever.

  8. “[Come along] or you’ll be late.” “Late for what?” “Late as in the Late DentArthurDent. It’s a sort of a threat you see.” Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

    Get your ass off that Naughty Step now. Today is better than 6 months from now.

    Yeah! Yay for 2 weeks’ technical difficulties, thank the Saints & all the Angels that you didn’t just bail.

  9. Welcome back Dee! We missed you!

    I agree with what Margaret said time to take the toilet paper off your poor scale, step on the scale, take a picture, post it, feel your feelings and get back to work.

    Make today the day you start working your plan. You CAN do this.

  10. Death, taxes, and regain. I thought maybe that was one of the reasons not to have heard from you. Well, thank goodness you’re alive, your mum’s alive, and Rest In Peace to your old laptop.

  11. Heya Dee, welcome back. We’ve missed you around here. I am all sympathy–we’ve all been there and will be again one day since not a single one of us is perfect. But you are the leader of this merry band, like it or not, so remove the tissue rolls, step on the scale, take a picture, post it, feel the emotions that brings and begin again, Finigan.

    Relapse is part of the process, my friend. It will be ok, I promise. xom

      1. It’s infinitely better for your peace of mind to have looked than to have to look. You believe in peace, right? I believe in you. xom

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