Tag Archives: accountable

What Goes In One End…

ideas

It’s funny you know, there are so many things that we’ve chatted about over the last few months where I’ve come to realise that life and diet kind of mirror each other, you know? It’s almost like there’s a set of life rules which apply to all situations including food and lifestyle choices, which I always regarded as something completely separate.

I’m going through the process of applying tags to all my posts at the moment so they feed into the tag cloud I made last week, and reading some of the older posts reminded me of some of the moments where things started to fall into place for me. Unpicking the flawed thought patterns in my head is an ongoing process which has been utterly priceless on this journey so far, and I find myself drawing comparisons all over the place now, often subconsciously which goes to show just how determined my head is to weed out all the crap.

This week, out of nowhere, I found myself staring one of my more familiar mantras square between the eyes and wondering how I’d never drawn the parallel before between life and diet. I bang on about it all the time, and yet I’ve never joined the dots.

So one of the things that I live and breathe in my day job is leadership development. When people first start cutting their teeth in leadership roles, one of the things which sometimes trips them up is where they start holding people accountable for the results they get without giving any thought to the input which was at the root of someone’s success or failure in any given project.

Of course you have to measure and evaluate whether someone is achieving results, but you can’t coach and develop their output, can you? What you can do as a leader is coach and support someone in how they do their job, so the quality of their input is better. In turn that has a direct effect on their results, which get better. Every time.

My mantra therefore is that you manage the input, and measure the output. Don’t hold people accountable for just the results, right? The results are what they are, actually they’re just a by-product of what someone has put in at the front end…accountability starts and ends with the behaviours which feed those results at the business end. And I was listening to one of our senior managers playing that back to someone in his team, and the penny dropped…how is that different in the context of our efforts to lose weight? It’s not! Of course it’s not, in fact saying it out loud makes me feel like Queen of stating the bleeding obvious.

I should worry less about what the bitch in the bathroom is going to tell me, and focus all my energies instead on what I’m bringing to the party. The number I drop at the end of the week is a direct result of my input over the last seven days, right? With the odd blip here and there, but by and large there’s a direct correlation. The number is what it is, the bits that I’m accountable for are the choices I’ve made around what I’m putting in my mouth and how far and how fast and how regularly I’m moving my body.

I take care of the input, and the bitch in the bathroom’s only job is to report back on the number. Providing she’s on the correct tile, obviously.

Of course it’s never just that simple is it…if it was I’d have earned my string bean stripes donkey’s years ago. It’s complicated by the Asshole voice who’s on a mission to derail the input and my own occasional willingness to listen to him over holding the line and getting it right every time. However. Instead of saying I’m going for three pounds down this week, what I should be saying is I’m going for a 100% clean eating week with exercise every day and I’m going to resist any asshole suggestions that don’t support the cause.

So…I’m going for a 100% clean eating week with exercise every day and I’m going to resist any asshole suggestions that don’t support the cause.

Watch this space 🙂

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This Too Will Pass.

hamster

Oh boy…where do I start with this one. So I’m having a really bad day. Actually no that’s not entirely accurate, my day was fine, it’s more my evening that’s gone to shit. I’ll spare you the detail, but safe to say I’m in the middle of one of the toughest weeks of my life. I’m dealing with the aftermath of someone else’s bad choices, not my fault but a massive strain nonetheless and under normal circumstances I’d have vaporised at least a couple of packets of hobnobs as soon as I got in from work.

It’s a familiar pattern and I know you guys will get it. Right now, as I type this I’m locked horns with the asshole in my mind who, unhelpfully keeps drawing my attention to the five packets of freeze dried sour cherries dipped in dark chocolate which are sitting in the door of the fridge. 15 points per pack, 5 points per 8 cherries. An occasional treat. Up to now, no problem. I can’t always get them, they’re a luxury that I adore and when I saw them I bought in bulk…after all I’m in the sweet spot right? They’ve been in there a month at least. No worries…until there’s cause to worry. I’ve come to bed, because I’m on the ropes after taking a proper battering from the asshole tonight.

I’m so used to eating my feelings. Strangely, I couldn’t eat what I’d cooked for dinner – slow braised pulled beef with broccoli. The dog got lucky, in fact he probably thinks it’s his birthday. He’s full fat and happy, snoring beside me on the bed as I write this. I reckon I’ve got an hour before the effects of  him eating human food work their way through his furry little pipes so I’m hoping I fall asleep quickly tonight. You know the way that cows are threatening the ozone layer by emitting regular bursts of methane..? My dog makes them look like rank amateurs. If I were a betting woman I’d put money on his ozone hole being considerably bigger than theirs. And given his insistence on spooning me on top of the duvet as I sleep, it’s safe to assume it’s going to be a stormy night.

So I had no appetite for dinner, but all I want to do now is to go eat my own bodyweight in freeze dried chocolate dipped cherries. I’m weathering the asshole-driven tornado for now…I came to bed, brushed my teeth twice and started writing. I’m in lockdown, but it’s the double-cheese-and-spring-onion sandwich dance all over again. I know it’ll pass, but right now the desire to throw my PJs back on and go downstairs to eat every last one of them is intense. I’m laid in bed fantasising about the bitter chocolate melting on my tongue and the way in which the sour cherry would make my ears laugh.

But I’m also thinking about  how shitty I’ll feel if I cave in. It might even tip me right out of the sweet spot…who knows if I’d be able to climb back in again. And, I’d have to tell you I’d done it.

I can’t do that. You’re making me accountable, you rotten lot.

Thank you. Because I’m not sure I’d be this strong without you 🙂

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A Dollop More Codswallop

dollop

So, according to another informative article written by experts, I can seemingly blame all of my weight issues on the layout of my kitchen. Marvellous – I knew if I waited long enough that some ‘ologist’ or other would identify a reason for my chunky disposition based on factors which didn’t include me eating the wrong things in industrial quantities whilst glued to the armchair watching tv. Written by an esteemed professor of something – aren’t they always – this guy seemed to want to absolve me of any responsibility whatsoever for being fat. And as always, I was ready to listen.

The piece started with a question, about whether I walked past the fruit bowl to get to the biscuit tin.  Well…duh. I’m 140lbs too heavy for my 5’5″ frame, so why don’t you take your best guess..? Apparently if you ‘proudly display your bananas’ you’re likely to weigh 13lbs less. And what’s more, if you have cereal and soft drinks sitting out on your counter top, you’re likely to weigh 46lbs more. He didn’t mention more or less than what, which was a bit unhelpful. I mean it’s information we need to know – if the control subject is a moose for example, proudly displaying my bananas to shave 13lbs off seems a bit pointless, right? (But just in case, I’m proudly displaying two bananas and a tangerine…it doesn’t hurt to hedge your bets.)

Doubt about his credentials started to creep in when he went on to assert that if you only had healthy food on display and the goodies were out of sight, you wouldn’t think about eating them. Do you think he’s ever met a fat girl..? I’ve been known to defrost emergency ice cream with a hairdryer because I couldn’t wait 10 minutes till it was soft enough to get the spoon in. And let’s be honest, opening a cupboard door to get at the hob-nobs hardly requires Oceans Eleven type planning does it…no, much as I wanted to latch onto all the reasons he listed as to why my kitchen might be making me fat, it seems he was in fact talking utter shite.

But you know what, I’m kind of ok with that – there have been points in my life where I would have bought into every word, not to mention handing over wads of cash to buy the book he was selling or join the seminar he was running, because blaming anyone but myself for the size of my arse was far less painful than admitting that I’ve done this to myself. I do have thyroid issues, but I had them when I was skinny too, so I’ve stopped hiding behind that excuse. What was I thinking? I want to go back in time and shake myself, for every time I’ve gotten skinny, and voiced my determination to stay skinny this time…in between mouthfuls of cake. I did this to myself, again, and now I’m undoing it. Again.

I’ve come quite a long way in the last couple of months. A few things have happened as I’ve been writing down my thoughts and sharing them on here. I feel more accountable…I know if I tried to pull any bullshit you’d all call me on it. Giving my asshole voice a name and personality all of his own has boosted my ability to unravel lots of twisted thinking and dodge things going on in my head designed to poke holes in my willpower – finding out my asshole voice has a very large family of similar asshole voices who live with each and every one of you guys has helped even more. If I can do it, you can do it because you know what? If you can do it, so can I. There’s power in numbers.

Onwards ladies…we’re really doing this 🙂

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Moving The Goalposts

goalSo back on the 17th of August, which was a Monday, (obviously, because Asshole logic dictates that diets can only start on a Monday, it’s practically the law) my dieting goal was to shed a couple of dress sizes before the trip I’ve just been on. I started my blog the following weekend and I can honestly say that since then I’ve not stepped out of the sweet spot…not even once. I did back the wrong horse I think, by starting on a carb-free regime at first but it’d worked for me before, and fairly quickly. Not this time.

I don’t have a scooby doo what I weighed when I started, which in hindsight probably wasn’t my smartest move. If you’ve been reading along since the early days, you’ll remember that a few weeks in I got weighed for the first time, only to discover that I weighed more than I’d imagined I had at the start. That made me swear, a lot. But once I was over being a diva, I took it on the chin, cracked on with the regime and didn’t let it throw me off course.

I checked in with the bitch in the bathroom again about 3 weeks ago to find that although my lard is on the move, the pounds have been slow to shift with only another 5 gone. So I switched out to the Weight Watchers’ food plan instead, dropped a couple more pounds and although I haven’t been on the scales yet since I got home, I’m not expecting to have gained anything on holiday. I’ve found my groove with the points malarkey, and I’m still in the game.

But I need a new focus. Visualising that helicopter trip has kept me 100% on the right path but you know what, getting skinny is just not happening quickly enough. And yes, I know I have my wrist bitch to bully me now (trust me, even the asshole’s running scared) but I need a new focus too.

And that is..? I’m going to be in a size 22 by the first of the year, and I’m going to get there by meeting or exceeding my activity goal every day – as well as the food plan of course. That’s my new short term goal. I was a size 28 when I started and I’m a good size 24/26 now, kind of on the cusp you know? 22 is where I’m headed and I’ve got nine weeks and two days to get there.

Now I have to ‘fess up and say I feel a bit of a fraud with that bold statement, given that today I’ve missed my activity target and I’ve welched on the deal to walk Charlie for half an hour every day after work. Great start, really, way to go Dee you’ve reached new heights of wimpdom. But guys I’m soooo tired – jet lag has kicked in big time, and despite staying up all day yesterday and not feeling too bad, when I went to bed last night at around 10.30pm, ping…wide awake! I saw 3.30am come and go before I could find an ounce of sleep in me. And my alarm goes off at 5.30am….a 50 miles each way commute and 10 straight hours in the office on less than two hours’ sleep is a stretch too far…my tank is running a little low.

I have the opportunity to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat…after all it ain’t over ’till the fat lady sings….oh wait a minute, listen…do you hear that? Right then…I’ll walk twice as far tomorrow. Promise.

Doh Ray Me Far So Laa Tee Doh…  notes

Me: 0 – Asshole: 1.  Sorry posse…I feel like I’ve fallen at the first fence  🙁

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A New Habit Is Born

habit-2

I’ve been thinking more you know, about what we talked about yesterday – my love of the armchair and lack of inclination to exercise…it’s really not on is it? You all shared some interesting perspectives and I thank you for that…it helps. I get it. I can’t have a hissy fit at the bitch in the bathroom if I’m not keeping up my end of the bargain, and if me and my love of food are going to find a way to rub along inside a skinny body, limiting food intake is never going to be enough all on its own. So I guess I just need to take the bull by the horns. I don’t want to, but wanting to want to is chewing away at me like an irritating wasp flying around my head.

I’ve been in negotiations with the asshole in my mind for the last couple of days. I’m here to tell you whilst he’s starting to give me less grief about what I’m eating, he’s gone in hard on this one – why don’t you get 50lbs off first before you think about getting more active, if you try now everything will hurt ten times more, you work really long hours and you don’t deserve to ache from head to toe because you’re pushing yourself too hard when you’re going to be losing weight anyway if you’re eating the right things…

If you’re of a sensitive disposition, you might want to cover your ears for a moment.

Sod off Asshole, with your bad karma…I’m NOT LISTENING   fu

It strikes me that motivation is step one of changing a habit, even if it’s not a habit you really want to change. Knowing it’s something you need to change combined with really, really wanting the outcome that forming a different habit will bring is as good a starting point as any other, would you agree? There’s a bloody mountain of information out there about how long it takes to form a new habit and a number of differing views. I posted a link to one of the better ones on my interesting stuff page. But what all those clever people with letters after their name seem to agree on is this; if what you’re trying to adopt as a habit is easy, it will become habitual much more quickly than if what you’re trying to do is hard.

So. This is where I got to with my negotiations. There’s nothing to stop me continuing my love affair with the armchair, providing that’s not all I do every day after work, right? Now before you get giddy I’m not proposing that I go for like a 5k run every evening, or get up close and personal with some kettle bells – I want curing not killing – but I could do something manageable, and build up my stamina slowly. So here’s what’s going to happen after I get back from my trip…every day when I get in from work, I’m going to clip Charlie’s lead on and go walk him for half an hour. It’s an extra walk in the day for him, (he spends 3 hours romping through the fields every day with all his four-legged friends in doggy day-care whilst I’m at work) and it’s half an hour’s walk per day that I don’t normally have. So it counts…every little counts.

So I’ve said it out loud now…shared it with you guys. I’m accountable. That’s going to be a new part of my daily routine…rain or shine (yeah way to go with the timing Dee, with winter just around the corner, doofus) and I’ll turn it into a habit if it kills me. Which to be fair it very well might 🙂 But I’m going to persevere. I’ve walked far more on this trip than I have in a while…ankles are stiff, knee is sore but you know what, I’m on it.

I’ll keep you posted as to how many times it takes before it feels like a habit instead of a chore…together we can see just how much these experts really know!

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