Tag Archives: frustration

Therein Lies The Rub

In the here & now, ,

number

I’m not going to lie, I was a bit miffed on Sunday last week when the bitch in the bathroom refused to budge, to the point where I’ve dragged her out from her hidey hole every day this week to see whether the impasse has been broken. The only breaking news to report is that she’s still not inclined to deliver me the sort of news I want to hear. Bitch. Despite my daily pilgrimage to the Kingdom of Pain, the needle hasn’t moved in the last 10 days.

There’s something that feels so unfair in that, I mean I’m busting my balls here, you know? The Asshole’s butting in with his what’s the point conversation on the hour, every hour and more than once I’ve found myself nodding along…what is the point, if it’s not making any difference?

What this plateau has done, is to serve up a sharp reminder about how easy it is to slip into sulky child mode…I’m so ready to spit my dummy out right now because things aren’t going my way on the number. I’ve had a serious word with myself this afternoon, because I can’t risk going there. It’s only a number.

And therein lies the rub…I know it’s only a number. Logic tells me that. However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to beat something to a pulp because it’s the same fucking number as it was ten days ago.

I somehow imagined, that once I started pouring myself into those lycra pants on a daily basis and working up a regular sweat the weight would fall off me…I’m earning loads of exercise points which I’m not spending, and on top of my daily torture I’m going out of my way to find ways to walk further and do more, yet still the bitch isn’t for budging.

How long do you think it’s good to wait when you hit a plateau before you swap out your diet? I’m flirting with the idea of cutting loose from Weight Watchers altogether and maybe counting plain old calories instead. I do like the WW diet and the flexibility it gives me but I don’t want to invest all this turbo-charged effort just to stand still, and the fact that I am is really pushing my buttons.

The exercise is doing its job, you know? I feel stronger, fitter and my shape is changing…I can feel it, it’s tangible. But the diet is doing bugger all for me right now and I’m sort of in that place that says it’s time to try something new. Having said that, I’m a bit nervous about it, I mean am I just being a drama queen? I’ve done okay so far and maybe this is just a blip…what do you guys think..?

Changing the subject altogether, I’m gutted to report the sad demise of the reclining mechanism in my fat old leather armchair. How ironic is it, that after four years of heroically tipping a seriously fat old body back and forth, now I’m seventy pounds lighter it’s gone kaput? I feel like I’m mourning an old friend. I’ve got a man with a stethoscope and a spanner coming out next Friday to see whether he can breathe life back into it, but I’m not holding out much hope…it’s like sitting side on to a hill it’s gone so wonky.

Still, on the bright side…no lazing about for me this weekend, right?

Have a good one y’all and I’ll see you on the other side 🙂

 

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Gremlins In The System

Biggest struggles, In the here & now,

gremlinsAnybody who’s been in my general vicinity over the last day or so may well have learned a few new words. Naughty words. I think the asshole has been on a recruitment drive and he’s drafted in reinforcements to help support the ‘get Dee back on the cake’ campaign. He’s flooded my widgets with technical gremlins who are getting right up my nose, and pushing me to that place where in times gone by I would have had a big fat tony bear tantrum followed by a packet of hobnobs.

I’m the world’s least tolerant person when it comes to stuff that doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do – especially when there’s no logic to it. If I drop something for example, and it stops working, I get it. I might not be happy about it, but I can see the cause and effect, and I understand why it broke. When something just plain old stops working for no apparent reason, well that’s like a personal challenge…I can’t leave it alone.

And lets just imagine that it relates to something I don’t really understand to begin with – I’m thinking technology – and I am that person, the one who pushes the button in a dozen different ways thinking it will have a different outcome before the penny drops that it has in fact gone kaput. For no reason.

I’ll press it softly. Then a bit harder. Then I’ll push it whilst holding down another random button. I might get the instructions out at this point just to check I’m pushing the right button to start with, even though I’ve been pressing the same button in the same way since I got it, without a problem. Then as the red mist descends I’ll push it several times in quick succession, by which time I’ve usually started muttering under my breath too in a kind of pincer-movement multi-tasking kind of way.

So now I’ve set the scene, you’ll begin to understand just how easy these gremlins are finding it to twist my melon. For those of you who have subscribed to my blog and have noticed that the daily email notifications have stopped appearing in your in-box..? Blame the gremlins. It makes no sense. Nothing has changed. No settings, no code, nothing at all…except I now have a flatteringly long list of people who like to ponder the latest post subject when it goes live.

Of course it worked fine when there was just half a dozen of my friends who were being supportive and who agreed to be guinea pigs for me. It even lulled me into a false sense of security by working fine for the first two weeks of being ‘live’ as the list was growing. Now? Lets just stop working for no reason at all. AAARGH!!!

However, did I reach for the hobnobs right away..? No. My strategy was to outsmart the asshole and his band of merry men by finding a workaround. So I sat, for an hour and a half, and copied the list of individual email addresses one by one into an email from my BOTSG email programme, figured out how to drop in a link to today’s post, composed a little ditty and pressed send, without one hobnob being consumed. Satisfied smile, take that asshole.

Aw Shit. After a succession of ‘pings’ into my inbox it became apparent that the asshole still held the winning hand. Because I’ve promised not to share anyone’s details and I’m uber-cautious about doing so, I had sent the email to myself, and copied every email address into the BCC field, so nobody could see who else had had the email. And in doing so had managed to convince my own email programme that I was in fact trying to SPAM you all so every single email was sent back to me with its tail between it’s legs. FFS!!!

So I must beg your patience, posse…I am working on it, and I’m sorry that your promised BOTSG nuggets aren’t reaching you on quite the regular basis I promised…I’ve just had a rather encouraging ‘ticket’ from a charming chap on the help desk of my web host who seems to be wielding his spanner and tinkering with stuff as we speak, so I’m still living in hope that I can beat the asshole at his own game and send the gremlins to annoy someone else.

In the meantime, if you’re on Facebook, and you ‘like’ the Break Out The Skinny Girl Facebook page, a link to the daily blog post will show up in your news feed, so that’s one way you won’t miss anything, whilst we’re sticking the wheels back on the widget.

On a positive note, I’m happy to report that no hobnobs were consumed in the midst of this meltdown!!

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