One of the advantages of being curious about the world in general, and interested in how other folk manage to get – and keep – their shit together, is that there is a wealth of ideas out there about what works and what doesn’t. Some of them are offered up as irrefutable fact, some are just abstract ideas which kind of plant a seed in your head and you can ponder it yourself and start to form a view, and at this time of year particularly there are lots of lists…’the top ten ways to…’ kind of thing, you know the score.
Some of the absolute gems come from people you know who just appear to have it all effortlessly going on – although don’t forget that appearances can be a bit deceptive. One of the most put-together people I thought I knew totally left me hanging when I tried paying her a compliment by telling her how much I admired her. I don’t mean in a weirdo stalker-ish kind of way, I mean I just mentioned in passing that I wished I could emulate the way she dealt with things. Big mistake.
Before I had chance to catch my breath she started unloading all the reasons why she was the wrong person to regard as a role model – picture me standing there, catching all these reasons one by one, as though I’m holding an armful of groceries without a basket to put them in…I felt like a right numpty, I mean what do you say? Cue awkward moment where I wished I’d kept my mouth shut to start with and realisation dawned on her that perhaps she’d over-shared instead of just accepting the compliment.
It did make me think though, about what goes on under the surface you know? The way in which we’re regarded by the world in general isn’t based just on how we look but also on what we choose to show of our character – and to be fair, if you invest time in portraying yourself in a certain light but then shoot the illusion down in flames when someone calls it out, it kind of defeats the object, the above example being a case in point. I’d be more likely to fist-pump the air at the fact I’d pulled off my impersonation of someone cool, calm and in control.
Do you think there’s a direct correlation between what we know and like about ourselves, and the self we choose to share with the outside world? I do…it’s definitely true in my case. I’d love to be able to say that I’m always authentic and honest in the way I interact with other people but if I scratch the surface, I’m so not.
The things about myself that I like, I’ll share freely and openly ’till the cows come home. But it’s a different matter altogether when it comes to revealing things about myself that I don’t like, or which I think don’t present the impression of me that I want people to have. The things I feel ashamed of, or guilty about, or which are character flaws that I wish I didn’t have..? These things you’re likely to find me trying to bury under the patio in the dead of night in the hope that nobody will ever see…or think harshly of me because of them.
And how strange is it that on here, I feel like I can say that freely and yet some of my closest friends wouldn’t know that about me..? I suspect it’s because I think about you guys as my support system, you know? You’re helping me be the best version possible of the authentic me, so it’s ok that you know…after all, I can’t change what I don’t acknowledge, right?
More food for thought 🙂
I have learned to take a complement in the way it was intended, but it wasn’t always so. Just thinking about this post makes me turn red with embarrassment for the ways I would sometimes react when someone praised me. These days they don’t come all that often, but I just take it in and smile. 🙂
Oh me too – I’m always grateful…in a bashful kind of way 🙂
I always say you don’t know what goes on with people behind closed doors. People need to have a filter when they’re speaking – not everyone needs to know everything about everything. It’s too bad your friend just couldn’t say thanks – it may seem that way but I actually have a lot going on – instead of breaking her cover.
It certainly would have been less awkward all round!
We all have our peccadilloes, the things we wish weren’t so about us and which we want to hide or change. That’s why we are all works in progress.
As for advice, i will try something, and if it does not work for me, then i move on. No one way works for everyone.
That’s true 🙂
Hi, Dee – you made me think, again! (And laugh. Awesome). So, isn’t the “fake it ’til you make it” trick one of the most effective (& honest) tools for creating change? Walking the talk, like. I “listen to” what you do, while you’re telling me what you value.
Plus, one can never know, nor reliably predict, WHICH glimpses of the clay feet will most inspire, & endear. Whole thing defies our best or basest intentions.
Big hugs, Fleury
I know…I draw so much inspiration and vacuum up so many tips from everyone’s thoughts! D x
How many points is food for thought?!?!?!
Good food though – it’s so true – it’s like that old saying, be kind, everyone you know is struggling.
It’s true – there’s always so much more under that surface! So much so that I’d never trade places with anyone – the devil you know as it were . . .
Yes do you know what Cherie, I wouldn’t change place with anyone…even this week, which for non-diet related reasons is a tough one for me, my life is far from perfect but on balance I’m doing ok!
Sending more hugs – I’m sorry it’s such a tough week!
Duly caught and appreciated…thanks Cherie 🙂
In my years, I have found that some people open up and share with you information that you would probably not share with everyone. You think that person is confiding in you, like you’re their new friend. Only, you turn around a day or two later and everyone else knows all their intimate problems as well. Then you find out that they really don’t have the ability to fix any of their problems because they get in their own way. They have some sort of learned helplessness.
Me? I complain about things, I’m sure. And sometimes I feel like the situation can’t be changed and it frustrated me. But usually, if I’m dissatisfied with the something, I move heaven and heck to make things the way I want. I don’t settle for less. I am that kind of person. And I don’t confide in everyone I know about my life, my problems or my issues because I have major trust issues. I feel like people are too quick to trample or throw you under the bus, so I keep it to myself.
That said, I do try to be transparent. I don’t want to have one facade and be fake or phony. I just don’t tend to share my most intimate issues with everyone. On my blog, I do share a lot though and I think we do that because we want to help other people who may be going through the same thing.
You guys must tell me if I ever over-share…I sometimes forget to deploy my filter on here, far more so than in real life!!